Depth over Distance – The Story of My Marriage.
My husband and I just celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary last weekend (and it was awesome)! But it took a lot of effort and work for us to finally get to where we are today. We did long distance for our entire dating relationship, from London Ontario, all the way to Los Angeles. 3,864km, 6 hour flight, and a 3 hour time change. I can count on my fingers the amount of times we saw each other when he moved out to LA.
One thing that really made our relationship work was that we were best friends first. I met Jordan in Australia where we both went to college. We were neighbours, and had a lot of the same friends. We became quickly became friends, and even quicker he became my go-to for virtually everything, from homework help (he’s so smart!) to boy trouble. He was my confidant, fun-creator (he can create a game out of anything!) and even protector at times. Looking back, it’s crazy how long it took us both to actually get together, but I’m so thankful for those years that I got to know him without the “first impression” pressure. I also got to see him in situations that showed his character, like how he treated women, how he behaved around his friends, what he did when he was upset or angry etc. When we were dating long distance, I already knew those things, and I knew I didn’t have to wonder or worry.
Now, as a married couple, people often ask us how we made it work over the distance, or how our marriage is. Our common reply is always that relationships are actually pretty easy; you just have to be nice to each other. I know that sounds too easy, but it really is true, and this is what it looks like.
Be nice to each other in the way you speak to, and about each other.
Be nice in how you behave, around each other, and not. This comes down to respecting the other person. What you think they would want or not want to you do when they’re not around.
Be nice in how to treat each other. Doing things to be accommodating, or just being thoughtful and kind, putting that person first in how you think, what will make them happy.
Basically just being nice to the other person can translate to every part of your relationship, however Jordan and I also have a few “rules” that we live by in our relationship.
Trust. When dating you really have to trust the other person. I don’t want to burst any bubbles, but I actually really believe that when it comes to trust it’s all or nothing. Two of my husband’s best friends here in LA are girls, and he would hang out with them together or one on one all the time. I hadn’t met these girls, but I 100% trusted him, because I know he is totally trustworthy in any and all situations. It didn’t matter to me that I didn’t know the girls, because I know I had to trust Jordan, not them, to do the right thing. My relationship is not anyone else’s responsibility.
Communication. Communication is huge in making a relationship work. Being honest and upfront about how you feel will make your relationship 1000x easier. You don’t need to sugar coat what your thinking or feeling, he needs to hear it. Communicating about your boundaries, what is important to you, and how you feel, will make your relationship so much calmer, smoother, and drama-free. My husband and I have kind of an unspoken rule that we never raise our voices to each other. We always try to work everything out rationally with really honest conversations, even if we’re feeling upset or emotional.
Depth over distance. Everytime.