With the carefree days of summer firmly behind us and family life resuming its normal hectic pace, I often get asked by my female clients ‘How do I strike the balance between wife, mother, lover, butcher, baker, candlestick maker?’ To that, my usual reply is ‘balance externally starts with balance internally’. Being at peace in our world, in our relationships and with our responsibilities, comes from being at peace with ourselves. Think about this. Beliefs produce thoughts, which stimulate feelings which eventually result in behaviours. All activity starts with a belief and imbalanced activity typically starts with a negative belief.
For example. If somewhere deep down inside I believe that people will reject me if I make a mistake (negative belief), I will think I need to be perfect, feel guilty until I get things just right, all the while placing unrealistic demands on myself and others in my attempt at perfection. Or, if I believe people with outstanding careers, social status, wealth or fame are the happiest people on earth (another negative belief), I might work longer hours, place community involvement ahead of family time which may result in an unbalanced home life complete with under supervised and unsupported children.
These are self-defeating negative beliefs that have the power to pull our world out of balance.
So, at this time of year, before you sign the kids up for another program or feel you should preserve a few hundred jars of salsa for the winter, evaluate the belief behind your activity. Maybe the role of wife and mother (ok…..and lover) is all you need this time around.